Week 3 wrap up - Rest Day

Today's rest day was all about allowing. But first, a review of yesterday.

After a great clubbell yoga session yesterday I was feeling such release. I went to see an important to movie and was thoroughly swept away with the message of the story for me (if you haven't read the book Wild by Cheryl Strayed, you should. Now. Then go watch the movie.) I returned to my home that night exhausted, released, open and vulnerable. Unfortunately, that left me wide open to receive my husband's anger and frustration about an ongoing issue. Such as it was, neither of us went to bed feeling calm or at ease.

I awoke in the wee hours after a long night. Having gone to bed at 8:30 I woke up fully rested at about 5 AM. I took that opportunity to reflect on yesterday's breakdown and with a clear head from a good nights sleep, was able to look at myself in the context of our conversation with more compassion for both myself and my partner. I knew there were things to be worked through and I made that my morning mission. (See my recent post on my personal blog) 

After contemplation while drinking my bulletproof coffee by the light of the tree, I decided to go on a morning journey. I packed my backpack with provisions and set out on a nature hike. I blogged while I walked, and got clear in my head where my attitude needed adjustment. The quiet solitude of the trail was just what I needed to renew my sense of Self. Once I felt I had completed that mission, I set my course for the gym. 

My husband, when he is on a regular schedule, makes a regular habit of "going for a schvitz". I decided to try it out for myself. Schvitz is a Yiddish word for alternately sitting in the sauna and then getting out, showering off and re-entering the sauna. At least, that's what my husband does. I timed myself to see how long I could stand it. Usually I get bored or antsy, so to calm my mind, I excised to take that time in the sauna to practice my yoga.

I changed into my short shorts, and stepped into the dry sauna. This became my sanctuary: my sacred space. At 7 AM on a Sunday, I was not worried about anyone interrupting me. I came up with this nice yin yoga stretch/flow. 

After I felt the practice was complete, I took a cleansing shower complete with  shampoo, conditioner and peppermint Castille soap with scrubby mitts.

Yin Yoga Flow for Sauna

Take at least a minute (preferably more time), in each pose. 

Begin in Savasana. Once thoroughly relaxed, begin to transition slowly into and out of each pose, practicing holding each pose with 'expectant relaxation' (hold with just enough tension that a sudden movement will not disrupt the relaxed state):

Boat (2-3x) to Savasana

Heel to glute, one legged boat R

Flip, if needed

Heel to glute, one legged boat L

Savasana - short

Figure 4 hip opener R

Flip

Figure 4 hip opener L

Sit up, r heel to glute l leg out - 1 legged pistol stretch

Flip, if needed

1 legged pistol stretch

Savasana

Slow forward bend to fast savasana, 3x

Savasana

Roll to 1 handed superman - R

1 handed superman - L

Child's pose

On to week ... 4?

I look at this last week as a necessary emotional 'trial by fire'. To wrap it up neatly, Charleen had an amazing breakthrough after a meltdown and I 'checked out' while she was sick and went back in time (it felt like) to wrap up some emotional loose ends before the end of the year.

This is a tough time I year for me and I am learning strategies to maintain my positive mental attitude (PMA). That said, the winter solstice was especially poignant for me as it is the first year since the kids were small that I have not spent it with beloved family friends. This year, we are making changes and finding new traditions that bring us joy and peace. We jammed our schedule full of fun gatherings and events and I really feel peaceful as we head into the new year. 

My training went a little sideways, though.

Charleen was sick and I was out of town. I ate like a complete heathen and sat in the afterglow of bloat, sugar crashes and intestinal discomfort. And I did it a few times. 

Sleep was also elusive for a few days, and with those two things so desperately out of balance, I looked to my physical training and practice to pull me back to the present.

I am making improvements. They are small but noticeable. I am realizing that paying better attention and taking more care of my sleep and nutritional needs will catapult my training. So, as we end this week of training, I am recommitting to a consistent lifestyle with a balance of self care, service to others and play.

We have dialed in the components of the swipe and I feel like we are ready for the next movement: the mill. Today, we will unwind the week with clubbell yoga and then take in a movie inspired by a book that inspired me to be adventurous and vulnerable. 

I realize this is not the most heartfelt or revealing of posts, but this is where I am at. My goal is still hazy and my motivation is sporadic but at least it's still there.

Merry Christmas to me from my awesome husband!

Finding my Groove

Into week two, and life is already challenging us. Charleen is feeling sick and I have had a lot of late nights. Yesterday and today have been filled with lots of walking, but I feel the tension from all of that. Today, my intention is to unwind with some clubbell flow time before work. 

This week, I am finding my stride, getting mentally stronger. For me, this is what it's about - being honest with myself about my limits and my priorities. If I choose, this can be a defining moment in my life. It's a choice I make every day, whether I acknowledge it or not. Is this moment leading me towards my goal or away from it? What changes are the goals. Having a defined goal is only one step in the journey, but it is a very important one. So, by the end of his weekend, I will have clearly defined goals and a written plan in place.

Week two – yesterday, today and tomorrow

Yesterday seems like it dim memory. I am finding that my training is forcing me to be more in the moment.  My body and my brain seem to be adjusting to focusing inward, and finding whatever scraps of strength I have in me to put to the task at hand. I don't have the energy to focus too closely on the past or the future.

This is the essence of flow.

Gymnastics bodies was yesterday morning and I have incorporated "hang time" into my GB sessions. I am preparing my body to be able to hang, pull and swing. Not only are these natural human animal body movements, but when I think back on the mud run I did two springs ago with my husband, I remember how shocked I was when I went to swing across simple monkey bars and couldn't even hold onto the first rung. But, I remember being 12 and having no problem going across the monkey bars several times a day - Helllloooo body,  what's that about?! We also worked on our clubbell swing, which is the video that I posted to yesterday's link.

I felt sore but limber at the end of the day. I didn't sleep as well as I would've liked, but woke up at 5:45 this morning and prepared myself for another day.

Today was Tacfit with Summer Huntington at Fit Body Wellness. It was a modification of Charlie. Charlie is an EMOTM protocol. Every. Minute. On. The. Minute. This is no joke, folks. It is so much more about the mind and the body. This is a Tacfit Protocol that really gets you into flow. I started off with a mentally fearful mindset. Let's just say it didn't serve me very well and I had to change my attitude very quickly. I literally stopped moving for a second and smacked the thoughts out of my head. 

This is where flow really helps. As the work got harder, I had to focus more on my form and counting each rep. My mental attitude and chatter were being crowded out with my focus on the work at hand.

Now here, I have a choice whether to tell you about how I failed at achieving the set protocol. Or I can tell you that I did the whole effing thing without stopping.  I choose the latter. 

I had to dig deep, and dropped down to sets of four in almost every regressed form except for the clubbell swing. But I focused on my squat, I focused on the transfer of weight in the clubbell as it comes up into Order for just a moment. For the hip sit through, it was all about the lats. And feeling the Yaw in my torso. I embodied the spring. In the knee pull-through, it was all abs and glutes. And I didn't stop. Physically, I finished strong, but my mind was exhausted. 

So today's lesson: I have to let some stuff go if I am going to devote more of my life to the present. 

Breakfast feast

 

Week two – day one and two

Thoughts for today: going through this training is a little like being pregnant. Everyone who has gone through a long, grueling training program wants to offer advice. Based on the fact that Charleen has reached out to several people, it would naturally follow that all of those people want to offer us their insights. There is validity to other comments, but it can get really confusing to know wat to focus on when given so many different cues and pointers. Sometimes they even even contradict each other.

I am drawing on my experience as a Doula, and reminding myself that my body knows best. I know when I need to push myself (and act upon that), but I also need to be clear when my body says rest - that I rest. Against my better judgment, I helped a coworker out yesterday by doing a 30 minute workout that has actually set me back in my training. Not only was I not planning to do that kind of strenuous work, but some of the moves we were asked to perform  were counterintuitive to what I know my body should do. The trainer used an approach (read:drill sergeant) that does not work for my psyche. It not only threw off my training plan, but rattled me mentally.

It took a lot to reframe my attitude and get back on track, but I managed. Last night, Charleen and I talked out our next couple steps for the week and I am feeling clearer. I am finding my groove this week. Next week, it'll be clearer still.

I had the inspiration today that instead of the training program certification, I will make my testing grounds an obstacle

course. I'm going to look into that tonight and see where it leads me.

In the meantime, I offer a YouTube videoif me getting my training dialed in this morning:

http://youtu.be/FoH--DCmCyk

Week One - Weekend Review

This week-end went both as planned, and also horribly off-plan. I had two parties to attend, and (TMI alert:) I started my period. Seasonal Affective Disorder has set in, and I am struggling under the weight of the self-imposed expectations of the season. I need more down time with friends. That said, I am fairly confident I need to be sure to attend all possible training sessions with Charleen rather than try to do them on my own because my internal motivation structure is in deeep hibernation.

I also feel the pull of a long hike in the mountains.

There was a domino effect of indulgences causing inflammation causing sugar/alcohol cravings causing massive pain and complete lack of motivation. I started a couple blog posts, both of which disappeared.

So here we are, on Monday morning, looking at all I have to juggle, deciding which things draw me out  of my shell and planning rest and restorative time into my week.

Last week was too much for me. I am taking steps to map out my own training program that can both support Charleen, and still serve me individually. Not sure how this will look, but I know that I want to do a lot more with the clubbells and less on the volume required for Tacfit. This will require creative training time, since I do not own the required clubs and our gym only has one set of 10s. I am fine using 5s for the first month, just to get the rhythm and movements, but if I don't get clubs for christmas, I'm buying them for myself for my birthday.

Training is more than just doing the moves and sweating it out. It requires an equal balance of rest and proper nutrition. These are my challenges. I want to live and train with grace and ease. Force, coercion, belittling do not work for me. They are temporary, and only feed my depression, which is very close to the surface this time of year, and will knock everything off balance if I have to deal with that aspect of myself as well.

This week, I am focussed on getting good nutrition in at each meal, while not stressing about 'good food' and 'bad food'. I am not going to eat a bunch of energy bars all day, but I'm also not going to freak out if I have to use store-bought salad dressing.

I am practicing taking care of myself first. Everyone else in my life is a grown-up and can take care of themselves for a while.

Day 4 - GB, Delta & Intuflow

Today, my training partner and my workouts diverged. With so many different training plans and so much input on how to combine them all and what to focus on, my brain reached the breaking point. I had to feel my emotions about what I needed to be doing, balancing effort with recovery.

The morning started out with me arriving to Gymnastics Bodies 5 minutes late (every minute counts in GB!). It's a new month, new training cycle. I felt strong and able as I moved through my prescribed training for the day. I got up into forearm headstand for the first time, and am quickly finding my equalibrium there, and I will be quickly testing out of V-Ups. Done, and DONE! On to our Tacfit training...

Let me start by explaining that my amazing training partner has a drive that is almost inhuman (or superhuman). I see her pushing herself, and can't help but feel I should push myself harder. This morning's training was a lesson in individuation. We each progress at our own pace, with our own strengths and weaknesses. I need to accept where I am at, without comparing myself to Charleen or any of the training programs. I had to remind myself that this is week one, and we are still trying to find our rhythm, and be sure we are training the right moves and muscles, and not over-training.

I chose to follow the Tacfit prep week one protocol for today, and did the Delta regression. Charleen did level one. Does that mean I cheated? Or does that mean she risks over training? Maybe both, maybe neither. Although we are training side-by-side, and I am with her through every workout, we will each need to focus our efforts in different areas, because we are different people. This is something I need to accept and embrace, and perhaps someday celebrate.

It's also that time of the year and that time of the month. I am feeling cranky, sore, tired, overworked and underpaid. My husband has been emotionally MIA due to school for so long I don't even believe him when he says I'm awesome or that he loves me. I can't seem to accept it. Who could love someone who is overweight due to her own poor food choices, and now so tired and cranky from this voluntary trial by fire? Boo frickin' hoo.

Comfort Food: Roasted pumpkin and sausage soup

But I train through it all, and eventually, my 'can do, must do' attitude will quiet the gremlin that tells me I'm never good enough for anything. Because I know that's just not true.

Tonight is prescribed Intuflow, but I feel like I need some yoga, too. I need to feel the flow and quiet the chatter. It may be yin yoga, as long as I get some 'mat time'. This weekend, I will be sitting down with the training programs I have now and my own thoughts of what I want to work on through this. If I am claiming this as my own training plan, I need to come from a center of what I really want. It's the only thing that will get me through the tough times, and I feel them coming.

"Don't plan to fail, plan to succeed."

Day 3 - hello lats. Hello quads.

Quote for the morning:

"Change is not what happens to you; it's who you are. You are not your skills and knowledge; nor the cumulative sum of your experiences. You are not even how you respond to the ubiquity of change. You are wind even while believing the illusion that you are rock, reed or river. Be the change." - Scott Sonnon

And so began day 3. Woke up sore, but it surprisingly dissapated to a reasonable amount by the time I got to the gym.

Charlie was on the schedule for today: EMOTM

And then I got hungry. I've been eating all day in the hopes I'll have the strength for tomorrow.

Eating at my cubbie

Two hours later. More food please.

Day 2 - GB, Bravo & Flowfit

6:00 came early, but I was antsy to get up and get to it. With the winter, and my current mental attitude, I have had a "let's just get it over with" attitude. It felt good to feel my lats sore as I was moving around - that means I was using the right muscles yesterday.

I was wondering how we are going to do all three programs - Tacfit, CST and Gymnastics Bodies - without sacrificing something somewhere. Thank heavens Charleen and Travis had determined that any push/pull activities in GB should be sidelined. Travis recommended focusing (I am thinking doubling) core work and adding static holds like hanging and planking and staff holds on the paralettes. THIS GIVES ME HOPE!!!

We managed through the GB workout and I felt really confident in my abilities there. Then came Bravo; a series of four moves performed for four minutes each, with one minute rest between movements. Now, my fitness tool of choice is the clubbell - I love them, and I think I rock them most of the time. But I am loathe to say my form really sucked on the gamma casts today. I would like to say it's due to the fatigue I was feeling in my lats, but I think it was more the chatter in my mind. I survived the 4 minutes of casting, and moved on to leg threads - a move that looks a little like rolling on the floor without touching your butt or your belly to the floor. I totally zen out with these and I found my rhythm. I pushed through paralette knee presses (looks like an incline knee-push up) with very few pauses, but I could barely take my pulse afterwards due to 'the pump' (where your muscles flood with fluid and tension). Last was a constant 4 minute kettlebell squat/deadlift, which I felt like I rocked physically, but mentally, I was checking out. 

I am having lots of doubts about my ability to do this. However, I am not going to voice them here. Because that voice needs to simmer down.

I can do this. I will do this.

I feel like I am in the shadow of a giant  - ironically, because Charleen is so wee. She is the one accepting the challenge, I'm just riding her enthusiasm and her coattails. I'm gonna owe her big for this. And I'm going to have to work my ass off (hopefully literally) without all the support and encouragement she is getting. She has been my support for the past several months, but she is digging deep, and I am here to encourage her. It's a role I'm familiar with, but it's especially difficult for me, because I want it so bad, too, but I have 'chosen' not to push to take the certification course - another bone of contention in my mind.

Tonight was a 30 minute round of Flowfit of which I completed 15. I was shaking and hungry and the gremlin in my mind that says "quit" won this round. I foam rolled for 10 minutes to assuage my guilt and to try to get my quads to stop burning.

I scarfed down a healthy and filling meal and am headed back into the everyday world to enjoy an Irish Christmas performance with my heart-sister.

I've got this. I think.

Prep Day - Qual

Charleen and I have been preparing for the Tacfit certification since mid summer by following the Tacfit 26 protocol. She has the amazing opportunity to attend, and I am not able to (yet), but I am not letting that stop me from going through the preparations required to test myself at the highest level of functional fitness.

I am digging deep for my motivation and inspiration. Fitness is vital to my well-being on so many levels, as is creative expression. I love to write and have countless blog entries that remain unfinished due in large part to my own self-judgement that others would not want to read my drivel, or that it's not polished enough and surely I will come back and cleanup the entry before publish, only to let it languish in cyber-purgatory. 

So, not only will I have to dig deep for the physical strength, and the mental fortitude, but also for the support and encouragement I must give myself to lay my heart out here for all to see, in it's more-than-likely unpolished form. My hope is that I provide inspiration, education and maybe even a few laughs. 

With so much information, it's tempting to say, "let's start tomorrow", but we are here today, so let's get to it.