Endurance Mills

I said it out loud yesterday, but it didn't sink in until today: 

We did about an hour and a half of work yesterday.

Then we did endurance Gymnastics Bodies today, along with 20 minutes of clubbell work today. I've been on a steady decline of energy since about noon. It's a tough time of year to keep my spirits up, so in some ways the distraction of actually being physically exhausted alleviated my nagging "you are a fat lazy slob" mental crap.

On the other hand, I've had some amazing flow breakthroughs practicing the mill, and I know that is directly due to my seasonal depression.

I know people use this word in common language, and I believe this feeling is understood differently for everyone. For me, it comes as a physical depression as well. I am literally fighting my depression back by getting into flow. And using the clubbells is getting me there more frequently and more effectively in other areas of my life as well. I am taking more baths, I am sleeping more (or trying). I'm actually listening to my body and it's helping me validate my natural instinct to slow down.

But as always, it's a delicate balance. Too little exercise and the emotional depression sets in, too much and my body shuts down. 

So, I listened to my tired, aching body and opted to roll out instead of doing my evening training, after a hot bath and early pajama night.

Gratitude

January through March have always been a time of gathering information, inspiration and momentum as we head towards springtime, where I begin put into action the dreams and goals that have surfaced during the dark months of winter. As such, it's been a while since I blogged. I have been focused on being present and paying attention to the cues the universe is putting out there for me, and in doing so, have not taken the time to step back and verbalize my experiences. 

My husband journals daily, and it is something that I have done sporadically throughout my life. There is a different process that occurs when putting pen (or pencil) to paper to put into words what my heart and mind are sorting out, so while I have not shared my thoughts here, I have continued the practice of putting my feelings and ideas into words so that I can come back and look at them.

This weekend, my love and I took some time out of our daily lives and went away to a lovely resort retreat. My initial intention was to spend time in each others arms, blissed out, and dreaming big dreams. While that is not specifically what I would say happened, we did have the opportunity to address some core issues in our relationship, and reconnect in a safe space where we could focus on each other and the process of revealing and healing.

Over the weekend, a lot happened. I am still sorting through all the revelations and opportunities that came up, but the one I want to share here is and unexpected opportunity to put into action a dream I've had for several months.

I am feeling the awesomeness of grace and gratitude today. I am still in a state of slight disbelief that I have been gifted my heart's desire of enrollment into the Clubbell Athletics Certification seminar. I am using this amazing opportunity as a catalyst for getting clear and focused on how I want to make the most of my life with this gift. 

I have some other financial goals to help me get there, so working with focus and integrity to further clarify my goal is my focus for this next month.

In the meantime, I am keenly aware of the work that will be required of me next weekend, and the focus I will need to have to take in as much information as I can. This morning, Charleen and I meet for one of our last training sessions before the seminar. I still have not worked out the details of the hammer swing, so that is my focus today. 

Onward and Upward!