Maiden-Mother-Crone

WARNING: Daily blogging may lead to inane meandering posts. You've been warned.

I found myself lost in my audiobook as I made my post-clubbell workout brunch, and pondered my relationship with my mother & daughter. Using my dear friend Liz's advice, I turned my "worry" into wonder.

I imagined our roles in each other's lives, the web of similarities in contrast with our vast opposing differences. It seems easier to accept in my daughter what I struggle to reject in my mother. Do personality traits create a yin and yang in our relationships that repeat over and over? It seems appropriate that everything revolves around to the same point in some way, allowing us to peel away a layer at a time, with each revolution. 

So here I sit in the middle of a crossroads, where the lines intersect for a moment before I travel on my own trajectory, around another cycle of the moon, and celebration of the harvest sun celebration of Lunasadh. August is a celebration of life, movement, passion, ripeness. I will meet you there at the top of the circle and squeal with pleasure as we ride over the wave and slide down the other side.

Still the Mind

Movement is art. Blessed meditation this morning brought me back to the moment, and grounding into the Now. Today, I remembered that my movement practice is a gift to me, to feel myself inside my body, to seek out the edges of my ability, not based on what I have done in the past or what I wish I could do now, but what I am doing. Now. In each moment.

It is so easy to let the mind wander to these old familiar grounds, where silence and stillness is experienced in the body while the mind twists and wanders. My work right now is to reverse this. 

Be fully in the body, the movement, and still the mind.

The re-emergence of Life, and why collagen matters.

It's been a long cold winter and I did what I seem to do every year - go inside, dive deep and fight my inner demons. And then, when the sun begins to shine and flowers bloom, I pull myself up from that winter nosedive and truly begin the next cycle of my annual adventure in a consciously lived life-experience.

This is deep and heady/heart-breaking stuff. I reached my breaking point last weekend, and blessedly witnessed by my sisters in Soul Circle, I reclaimed my journey and said "enough" to the battle. In surrendering to that fight, I am now able to turn towards the present, lay my armour down and re-engage in The Flow.

This the work of Spring: To rebuild myself, better, wiser, stronger. 

Today I found some interesting claims/information online today, as I seek out my provisions for the next season of awakening and refining.

Supplements have their ebb and flow in my life. In the spring and summer I take more animal based supplements and in the winter, I take more plant based. Not sure if there's scientific evidence on this, but my wisdom says this is natural and appropriate to the needs of my body throughout the many cycles of my life. 

On to the practicalities of my post: what to take when dairy is not an option and I am in that up-flow of animal-based protein? Collagen makes the most sense to me. I don't need a ton of protein powder as I use my smoothies as a snack over a meal, and my protein can be in the form of nourishing, delicious food whether it is animal or plant based.

What is Collagen Protein?

Collagen peptides are short chain amino acids naturally derived from pasture-raised collagen protein. Unlike gelatin, these peptides are soluble in cold liquids as well as hot. Collagen peptides contain the same amino acids as gelatin which are identical to the protein found in skin, nails, hair, bones, cartilage, and joints.

Collagen is a natural and healthy ingredient that has been used for centuries. Collagen-rich foods are a large part of traditional diets. Our ancestors utilized whole-animal nutrition, which provided an abundant amount of collagen, the native form of gelatin.

Skin, Hair, and Nails

Promote youthful skin 
Improve skin moisture Level 
Improve skin smoothness 
Prevent the formation of deep wrinkles 
Stimulate new collagen production 
Building blocks for healthy hair and nails 

Lean Body and Athletic Performance

Increase athletic performance 
Maintain a lean body 
Satiating protein to lose and maintain weight 
Reduce recovery time from physical activity 
Reduce risk of exercise-related injuries

Joint and Bone Health

Maintain bone & joint health 
Reduce joint pain 
Prevent joint matrix degeneration 
Restore bone and mineral density 
Prevent osteoarthritis and oseopenia

Endurance Mills

I said it out loud yesterday, but it didn't sink in until today: 

We did about an hour and a half of work yesterday.

Then we did endurance Gymnastics Bodies today, along with 20 minutes of clubbell work today. I've been on a steady decline of energy since about noon. It's a tough time of year to keep my spirits up, so in some ways the distraction of actually being physically exhausted alleviated my nagging "you are a fat lazy slob" mental crap.

On the other hand, I've had some amazing flow breakthroughs practicing the mill, and I know that is directly due to my seasonal depression.

I know people use this word in common language, and I believe this feeling is understood differently for everyone. For me, it comes as a physical depression as well. I am literally fighting my depression back by getting into flow. And using the clubbells is getting me there more frequently and more effectively in other areas of my life as well. I am taking more baths, I am sleeping more (or trying). I'm actually listening to my body and it's helping me validate my natural instinct to slow down.

But as always, it's a delicate balance. Too little exercise and the emotional depression sets in, too much and my body shuts down. 

So, I listened to my tired, aching body and opted to roll out instead of doing my evening training, after a hot bath and early pajama night.

Gratitude

January through March have always been a time of gathering information, inspiration and momentum as we head towards springtime, where I begin put into action the dreams and goals that have surfaced during the dark months of winter. As such, it's been a while since I blogged. I have been focused on being present and paying attention to the cues the universe is putting out there for me, and in doing so, have not taken the time to step back and verbalize my experiences. 

My husband journals daily, and it is something that I have done sporadically throughout my life. There is a different process that occurs when putting pen (or pencil) to paper to put into words what my heart and mind are sorting out, so while I have not shared my thoughts here, I have continued the practice of putting my feelings and ideas into words so that I can come back and look at them.

This weekend, my love and I took some time out of our daily lives and went away to a lovely resort retreat. My initial intention was to spend time in each others arms, blissed out, and dreaming big dreams. While that is not specifically what I would say happened, we did have the opportunity to address some core issues in our relationship, and reconnect in a safe space where we could focus on each other and the process of revealing and healing.

Over the weekend, a lot happened. I am still sorting through all the revelations and opportunities that came up, but the one I want to share here is and unexpected opportunity to put into action a dream I've had for several months.

I am feeling the awesomeness of grace and gratitude today. I am still in a state of slight disbelief that I have been gifted my heart's desire of enrollment into the Clubbell Athletics Certification seminar. I am using this amazing opportunity as a catalyst for getting clear and focused on how I want to make the most of my life with this gift. 

I have some other financial goals to help me get there, so working with focus and integrity to further clarify my goal is my focus for this next month.

In the meantime, I am keenly aware of the work that will be required of me next weekend, and the focus I will need to have to take in as much information as I can. This morning, Charleen and I meet for one of our last training sessions before the seminar. I still have not worked out the details of the hammer swing, so that is my focus today. 

Onward and Upward!

Week 3 wrap up - Rest Day

Today's rest day was all about allowing. But first, a review of yesterday.

After a great clubbell yoga session yesterday I was feeling such release. I went to see an important to movie and was thoroughly swept away with the message of the story for me (if you haven't read the book Wild by Cheryl Strayed, you should. Now. Then go watch the movie.) I returned to my home that night exhausted, released, open and vulnerable. Unfortunately, that left me wide open to receive my husband's anger and frustration about an ongoing issue. Such as it was, neither of us went to bed feeling calm or at ease.

I awoke in the wee hours after a long night. Having gone to bed at 8:30 I woke up fully rested at about 5 AM. I took that opportunity to reflect on yesterday's breakdown and with a clear head from a good nights sleep, was able to look at myself in the context of our conversation with more compassion for both myself and my partner. I knew there were things to be worked through and I made that my morning mission. (See my recent post on my personal blog) 

After contemplation while drinking my bulletproof coffee by the light of the tree, I decided to go on a morning journey. I packed my backpack with provisions and set out on a nature hike. I blogged while I walked, and got clear in my head where my attitude needed adjustment. The quiet solitude of the trail was just what I needed to renew my sense of Self. Once I felt I had completed that mission, I set my course for the gym. 

My husband, when he is on a regular schedule, makes a regular habit of "going for a schvitz". I decided to try it out for myself. Schvitz is a Yiddish word for alternately sitting in the sauna and then getting out, showering off and re-entering the sauna. At least, that's what my husband does. I timed myself to see how long I could stand it. Usually I get bored or antsy, so to calm my mind, I excised to take that time in the sauna to practice my yoga.

I changed into my short shorts, and stepped into the dry sauna. This became my sanctuary: my sacred space. At 7 AM on a Sunday, I was not worried about anyone interrupting me. I came up with this nice yin yoga stretch/flow. 

After I felt the practice was complete, I took a cleansing shower complete with  shampoo, conditioner and peppermint Castille soap with scrubby mitts.

Yin Yoga Flow for Sauna

Take at least a minute (preferably more time), in each pose. 

Begin in Savasana. Once thoroughly relaxed, begin to transition slowly into and out of each pose, practicing holding each pose with 'expectant relaxation' (hold with just enough tension that a sudden movement will not disrupt the relaxed state):

Boat (2-3x) to Savasana

Heel to glute, one legged boat R

Flip, if needed

Heel to glute, one legged boat L

Savasana - short

Figure 4 hip opener R

Flip

Figure 4 hip opener L

Sit up, r heel to glute l leg out - 1 legged pistol stretch

Flip, if needed

1 legged pistol stretch

Savasana

Slow forward bend to fast savasana, 3x

Savasana

Roll to 1 handed superman - R

1 handed superman - L

Child's pose

On to week ... 4?

I look at this last week as a necessary emotional 'trial by fire'. To wrap it up neatly, Charleen had an amazing breakthrough after a meltdown and I 'checked out' while she was sick and went back in time (it felt like) to wrap up some emotional loose ends before the end of the year.

This is a tough time I year for me and I am learning strategies to maintain my positive mental attitude (PMA). That said, the winter solstice was especially poignant for me as it is the first year since the kids were small that I have not spent it with beloved family friends. This year, we are making changes and finding new traditions that bring us joy and peace. We jammed our schedule full of fun gatherings and events and I really feel peaceful as we head into the new year. 

My training went a little sideways, though.

Charleen was sick and I was out of town. I ate like a complete heathen and sat in the afterglow of bloat, sugar crashes and intestinal discomfort. And I did it a few times. 

Sleep was also elusive for a few days, and with those two things so desperately out of balance, I looked to my physical training and practice to pull me back to the present.

I am making improvements. They are small but noticeable. I am realizing that paying better attention and taking more care of my sleep and nutritional needs will catapult my training. So, as we end this week of training, I am recommitting to a consistent lifestyle with a balance of self care, service to others and play.

We have dialed in the components of the swipe and I feel like we are ready for the next movement: the mill. Today, we will unwind the week with clubbell yoga and then take in a movie inspired by a book that inspired me to be adventurous and vulnerable. 

I realize this is not the most heartfelt or revealing of posts, but this is where I am at. My goal is still hazy and my motivation is sporadic but at least it's still there.

Merry Christmas to me from my awesome husband!